{"id":9437,"date":"2020-05-11T15:45:13","date_gmt":"2020-05-11T19:45:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.presbyterianfoundation.org\/?p=9437"},"modified":"2024-07-24T13:24:08","modified_gmt":"2024-07-24T17:24:08","slug":"acquiring-pastoral-skills-at-age-13","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/presbyterianfoundation.louderstaging.com\/es\/resources\/news\/acquiring-pastoral-skills-at-age-13\/","title":{"rendered":"Adquirir aptitudes pastorales a los 13 a\u00f1os"},"content":{"rendered":"

The Rev. Dr. Trace Haythorn, now the CEO and executive director of the Association for Clinical Pastoral Education<\/a>, learned his first pastoral care skills at the tender age of 13 after his friend died of leukemia.<\/p>\n

\u201cI started asking questions a 13-year-old will ask about life and death, and I was really dissatisfied with the pithy responses that make people feel better and me no different,\u201d Haythorn told the Rev. Dr. Lee Hinson-Hasty Wednesday during a Facebook Live event called \u201cGrief in a Pandemic<\/a>.\u201d Hinson-Hasty is the senior director of Theological Education Funds Development for the Fundaci\u00f3n Presbiteriana<\/a>.<\/p>\n

\"\"

Rev. Dr. Trace Haythorn<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n

While attending Universidad de Austin<\/a> in Sherman, Texas, Haythorn completed a pediatric hospice program. \u201cThe people who are most alive are on some of those oncology floors, that liminal space between life and death,\u201d he said. \u201cThere are few things more honest than a sick kid. I was hungry for that kind of clarity.\u201d<\/p>\n

He taught for some years after earning Master of Divinity and doctoral degrees. Part of his current work running ACPE includes the Chaplaincy Innovation Lab<\/a>, which offers weekly webinars for chaplains in all kinds of settings \u2014 hospitals and senior care, prisons, military, higher education \u2014 getting them tools they need to minister during the coronavirus pandemic.<\/p>\n

\u201cA tendency people have in a crisis is to live their lives as if they are going to get back on track,\u201d Haythorn told Hinson-Hasty. \u201cPart of the grief process is there is no track now. This is a time of innovation, even as we grieve in the midst of it.\u201d<\/p>\n

A poem the lab holds up for chaplains is Mary Oliver\u2019s poem, \u201cIn Blackwater Woods,\u201d which includes these words: \u201cTo live in this world you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends upon it; and when the time comes, to let it go, to let it go.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat does it mean to hold it against your bones when the closest you can get is a digital device?\u201d Haythorn wondered. \u201cIt\u2019ll stay that way for a long time.\u201d<\/p>\n

Building on the grief work of psychiatrist and journalist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross<\/a>, author David Kessler<\/a> talks about a sixth stage of grieving, Haythorn said, one \u201cwritten for Presbyterians. It\u2019s about finding meaning. One thing people often try, Haythorn said, is to make meaning out the experience of another person who is grieving. \u201cPlease don\u2019t do that,\u201d Haythorn said. Or at least leave it to the gospel writers: Eastertide, he said \u201cis the meaning-making process\u201d around Jesus\u2019 crucifixion and resurrection.<\/p>\n

Citing the mindfulness work of Jon Kabat-Zinn, <\/a>\u00a0Haythorn urges people to begin noting where they hold emotions in their body. \u201cIs it a deep discomfort in your gut? Pay attention to that,\u201d he said. \u201cDon\u2019t try to figure out what is going on, but thank your gut for caring again, and offer some gratitude that these things are being held (inside you) and you are still going.\u201d<\/p>\n

The Chaplaincy Innovation Lab put together lessons around grief and loss, Haythorn said. They\u2019re based on expressions grieving people might say or hear: \u201cI\u2019m so full of rage.\u201d \u201cThis doesn\u2019t make any sense to me.\u201d \u201cI don\u2019t feel anything at all.\u201d Included are children\u2019s stories that can be used to help children talk about grief and loss, a topic that led to this comment from Vlimarie Cintr\u00f3n-Olivieri, Co-Moderator of the 223rd<\/sup> General Assembly, who was listening in to the conversation. She has used Facebook Live to read and discuss children\u2019s books published by Flyaway Books<\/a>.<\/p>\n

\u201cThanks for bringing up the physical aspects or manifestations of grief,\u201d Cintr\u00f3n-Olivieri said to Haythorn. \u201cWe must be experiencing these right now and confusing it with something else. Thank you for your words.\u201d<\/p>\n

Asked by Hinson-Hasty to offer a charge to those listening in to their conversation, Haythorn asked people to \u201chold each other in the light and with grace, and gently.\u201d If there\u2019s \u201canything this moment has taught us, it\u2019s what a fragile people we are and what a remarkable world we\u2019re in.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIn ways that you can savor Nature,\u201d he said, \u201cin ways that you can be grateful for these bodies that we have,\u201d and \u201cin ways you can find one another in a loving spirit that crosses all these boundaries and divides that just seem ridiculous in the face of a virus that doesn\u2019t care about any of these things, may we be to one another the kind of gracious loving presence that the Universe has always longed for, and that we\u2019re just far too good at mucking up.\u201d<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Pastor and teacher Trace Haythorn started asking hard questions when his teenage friend died of leukemia<\/p>","protected":false},"author":78,"featured_media":9441,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[117],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9437","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-news"],"acf":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/presbyterianfoundation.louderstaging.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9437","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/presbyterianfoundation.louderstaging.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/presbyterianfoundation.louderstaging.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/presbyterianfoundation.louderstaging.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/78"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/presbyterianfoundation.louderstaging.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9437"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/presbyterianfoundation.louderstaging.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9437\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":46728,"href":"https:\/\/presbyterianfoundation.louderstaging.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9437\/revisions\/46728"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/presbyterianfoundation.louderstaging.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/9441"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/presbyterianfoundation.louderstaging.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9437"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/presbyterianfoundation.louderstaging.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9437"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/presbyterianfoundation.louderstaging.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9437"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}